team win not
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
[2005 Champs]
6 0
Mississippi Shakedown 5 (+1) 1
St. Sebastian’s Home for the Eldery & Convalescent 4 2 (-1)
Curse of the Zomboree 2 4
UntouchiballicA 2 4
Urban Plantain Workers Party 2 4
Stilettos 0 6
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
team win not
Holy Rollers
[2007 Champs]
6 0
Team U.G.G.H. 4 (+1) 2
Scurvy Dogs 5 1 (-1)
Ze French Revenge 2 4
Providence Burnsiders 2 4
BSRmadillos 1 5
Bat Seals 1 5
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
Kinda like the PKL’s Famer’s Almanac

The Thurgood Book: a backwood betting-table

with Uncle G.W. Dwayne. Posted 2 days before games. Bets taken up until five minutes before coin toss for Week 5.

Uncle Brother Father Cousin

Dammitawl, is it Thursday already? This meddlin' hussy just woke me up from my 5-day hibernation.*

* (Transcriber’s Note: He means depression-induced bender; he's still crying over his loss to CBP.)

What'd I tell you 'bout talkin' woman? Like Mike Tyson says, you ain't allowed to speak 'less we's fornicatin'!*

* (Transcriber’s Note:Jarrett, I swear to god I want a new assignment...)

Alright, alright, so this weekend's loss hit me like a ton'a fertilizer. Smells worse though, since we been drenched by that "Holy Water" for Fesser's inaugervention to manhood, the fambly thought we was free from showerin' till next rainfall. Instead, we got stunk up and mildewy, and now the dogs is tellin US to keep away from the dinner table.

That game was an eye-opener, them boys is pretty good at kickballin'. And fieldin' too, the way they got an eye fer them balls you'd think they was crowdin' in the closet. (You know, the closet where they keepin' homo-sexualites*). Anyway, I think they's in fer a surprise when that post-game champagne we shared gives 'em a powerful hunger fer black tar heroin... then its GAME ON!

* (Transcriber’s Note: * Transcriber’s Note: Thanks for clearning that up for us...)

Now its eyes on the horizon... Week 7 is here!


Funny how one'a the only thins keepin' my predictin' record off point is when I got somethin to do with it... Last week the Grandpappy Pampers shoulda lost to them Viking Rockers, and they probly woulda too, if it weren't fer my shoeless appearance as ringer duja vour.* The Grannie Pants won that by one point one cuzza me, though they played a good round otherwise. The Urban Plantains on the other hand, I believe my fambly woulda whupped them down and sideways whether or not I was on the field. Plus, its the old folks who still got a rememberence to when Cuba was something of a thorn in Old Glory's side. The Baby Boomers is takin' you down Castrati**, fer JFK!

* (Transcriber’s Note:I believe he means "deja vu"? Or "du jour"? Wait, why am I trying to translate Redneck?
** Probably "Castro".

St. SEBASTIAN to win
Over/Under : 15
Spread : 14


Man oh man, this is gonna hurt. Eurotrash Metal-Heads take on the White Trash Deaths-Heads. I see a lotta bitin’ going on. Bats, fingers, entrails... and then we gotta worry about the Zombies. Both’a these teams played good’n hard all season, but only one can come out without hickeys or headless. Its a tough call, but I’m gonna give it up fer the Axe-wieldin’ Army of Asgard. Only cuz I know the Zombies’ll have their victory early tonight at the Penalty Box... DRINKS ON MITCH!

Over/Under : 11 pts
Spread : 3 pt

Game 3: U.G.G.H. vs. BSRMADILLOS

HAH! I wanna see this game too. Shit, I wanna PLAY this game...*

* (Transcriber’s Note: Remember, gamblers, if he takes a willing part in the win or loss, the call is moot.

Hesh up, woman. I got my methods fer callin it, and halfa that is cuz I take sides like a confederate speculator *

* (Transcriber’s Note: Hah, with a record to prove it...

Gawdammit! I swear to Christ almighty and the spririt’a St. Louis, you git me my boots quick so I can hitcha with’em! Yankee sass-talkin’ chicken-heads givin’ me corollary-failure cuzza my short temper. Just like that ****** on the BSR team, gawdammit. She riles me up sumthin fierce. If’n I’m playin Saturday, I’m kickin with UGGHlies so I can susggest we have a human sacrifice ’fore the game.

******(Transcriber’s Note: NOT FIT TO PRINT

U.G.G.H to win
Over/Under : 12 pts
Spread : 2 pts


...gawdamn Yankee custy Union general-lovin’ sumbitches... *

* (Transcriber’s Note: This goes on for 3 minutes... I can neither justify printing, nor understand half of what was said in that time.

Over/Under : 17 pts
Spread : 6 pt

Send your bets, threats and debts to

Providence Kickball Kommission