team win not
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
[2005 Champs]
6 0
Mississippi Shakedown 5 (+1) 1
St. Sebastian’s Home for the Eldery & Convalescent 4 2 (-1)
Curse of the Zomboree 2 4
UntouchiballicA 2 4
Urban Plantain Workers Party 2 4
Stilettos 0 6
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
team win not
Holy Rollers
[2007 Champs]
6 0
Team U.G.G.H. 4 (+1) 2
Scurvy Dogs 5 1 (-1)
Ze French Revenge 2 4
Providence Burnsiders 2 4
BSRmadillos 1 5
Bat Seals 1 5
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
I love a good story with the word “cohonés”

Ben Gay, Gay Paris, D & D and the U. P.

with Slam Dixon & Diaphanous Baum, Reporters and Announcers in the Field

Game One

St. Sebastian’s Home for the Elderly & Convalescent (3) v The Stilettos (2)

The kickball world was nearly turned ass-up this past weekend as the ever-youthful Stilettos offered an uncommon challenge to the elder St Sebastian Team. The Hyperdome exploded as our taut tarts held the lead through the first two innings of the game. But by mid-game, St Sebastian’s Viagra kicked in and The Stilettos on-top position was soon flipped. But in true underdog style, the ladies pressed on, taking the tied game all the way to the bottom of the 5th inning. With some medication adjustments and perhaps a hip replacement in the dugout, St Sebastian put those feet that weren’t already in the grave to good use to clinch the winning run at the last moment. Despite their loss, this game will be remembered as the week the Stilettos’ off-the-field ball handling finally translated to on-field skill. Balls were kicked; balls were caught. And the Stilettos stunned the crowd with excellent fielding and an unheard of double-play. Heads up, Liberty Division – these girls aren’t going to lie down and take it this season.

Game Two

Ze French Revenge (2) v Team UGGH (12)

The fabled Underground Gods, Goddesses and Heroes (UGGH) followed up a disappointing start to the season by unleashing their divine retribution against Ze French Revenge. In this battle of the transcendental versus the existential, UGGH soundly demonstrated that kicking the ball is far more effective than contemplating the nature of the ball. Despite the fabled French joie de vivre, it would take more than rambling manifestos and snoots full of Bordeaux to intimidate the dirt-hugging kickball heroes of UGGH. The game played like a forced march through the Russian tundra as natural and supernatural combined to score run upon run against the sniffy continentals. This week’s Waterloo for the French was a watershed moment for their opponents, snapping the winless streak and giving Team U.G.G.H a much needed “W”.

Game Three

Scurvy Dog (9) v BSRmadillos (0)

The BSRmadillos seem to have done a superb job fundraising this year, affording the team a set of matching shirts and a splendid dug-out banner. Unfortunately, the grant proposal for a Week Four Win did not come through. Who would have imagined that the former Green Barbarians-cum-Scurvy Dogs could turn the tide of their fate so dramatically this year? Coming into Season 7, the crew bartered their t-shirts for tunics, and have not yet come close to evoking “Parlay”. Perhaps keeping the rum and wenches only for the post-game kept these pirates on course. When the pillaging was over, The Scurvy Dogs had claimed a 9-0 shut-out and a shocking 3-0 season record, leaving the BSRmadillos with lots of dead air.

Game Four

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful (9) v Urban Plantain Workers Party (2)

It was cohonés to tostones for the Urban Plantain Worker’s Party in Game Four of the day. The final game brought the long awaited match-up between the steady and true Cunning, Baffling, Powerful (CBP) and the upstart Plantains. The Plantains again tried to incite a coup against the kickball establishment, but the uprising was swiftly quelled by one of the PKL’s old guard. CBP demonstrated that the powers-that-be in Providence still rule with an iron foot, perhaps prompting the Plantains to doubt whether allowing every member of society play an equal role is the best strategy for kickball. It was hard to see from the Eagle’s Nest, but one of our embedded reporters relayed a report of Mad Dog spitting dirt after a missed CBP kick landed squarely on his back, driving him face-first into the baseline. Oh, the horrors of war. At the end of the day, the revolutionaries were driven back to the mountains in this 9-2 beat-down.

Providence Kickball Kommission