team win not
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
[2005 Champs]		 6 0
Mississippi Shakedown 5 (+1) 1
St. Sebastian’s Home for the Eldery & Convalescent 4 2 (-1)
Curse of the Zomboree 2 4
UntouchiballicA 2 4
Urban Plantain Workers Party 2 4
Stilettos 0 6
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
team win not
Holy Rollers
[2007 Champs]		 6 0
Team U.G.G.H. 4 (+1) 2
Scurvy Dogs 5 1 (-1)
Ze French Revenge 2 4
Providence Burnsiders 2 4
BSRmadillos 1 5
Bat Seals 1 5
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
It’s about time the PKL has a fight song

Il est tant que vin

with Slam Dixon & Diaphanous Baum, Reporters and Announcers in the Field

Game One

Holy Rollers (24) v Ze French Revenge (0)

As Americans, we’re constantly encouraged to floss our asses with the French Flag. But it takes a special brand of kickball player the thread satin through crotch with grace. This Saturday there was no redemption for the Ze French Revenge as they descended to an abysmal loss to divine Providence’s righteous defenders, The Holy Rollers. The angels were in the outfield all game converting simple kicks into stellar homeruns. Holy Rollers: 24, Ze French: l’oeuf. Je renie Dieu!!

Game Two

Untouchiballica (6) v St Sebastian (7)

No doubt the game of the week, saw the 2006 championship rivals butt heads once again. If it’s too loud, you’re too old. But this week, the old folks turned down the racket of the raucous rockers in a narrow 7-6 victory. The minions of Satan, UntouchiballicA, clashed with the city elders of St Sebastian to see who was, once and for all, closest to the underworld. The elderly players were obviously angry’d-up by the Norse rock band stripping bare the shelves of Providence’s pharmacies of all prescription meds, anti-itch cream and Ben-Gay. By the end, the aged had swatted the young ones with an extra run. Then both teams staggered off confused and took a nap.

Game Three

Bat Seals (10) v Scurvy Dogs (18)

Take it from this reporter, there is no amount of PA amplification that can drown out the barking of two-dozen seals and dogs. The fur and salty spit hung in the sweltering, summer haze for the longest hour of the day at Dexter Training Ground, when these two merciless teams released the hounds. From the leeward side of the fence it was a kaleidoscope of arms, legs, bellies, busts, back-hair, back-bust, bust-hair. I counted 18 audible “Yars”, to only 10 “Gars”. Dogs fetch this one.

H.M.S. CONTEST FOUR

Providence Burnsiders (2) v UGGH (7)

[Sung by “Ralph”, “Boatswain” and the “Umpire” together:]

A Burnsider is a soaring soul,
As free as a mountain bird,
His energetic foot should be ready to resist
A dictatorial word.

[“Boatswain” and the “Umpire” alternate:]

His nose should run, and his lip should shake,
His ass-cheeks flame, and his brow should flake,
His throat should heave, and his heart should stop,
But his foot be ever ready for a home-run shot...

[“St. Pauli Girl”, “Boatswain” and the “Umpire” together:]

From Underground there’s a God-like team,
Their brow with scorn be wrung;
Heroes should not bow down to a domineering frown,
Or the tang of a tyrant tongue.

[“Dionysus” and “Boatswain” alternate:]

His foot should stamp, and his throat should growl,
His hair should twirl, and his face should scowl,
His eyes should flash, and his breast protrude,
And this should be his customary attitude.

Game Five

Cunning Baffling Powerful (11) v Mississippi Shakedown (3)

The Shakedown has been trolling the trailer parks in the off weeks and turned up the newest addition to the Thurgood clan, Fessor. The new confederate worked out well, but not well enough as the sons of Sherman set Stan Luchka ablaze with powerful homerun shots and cunning defense. Insult to injury for the Southerners, in this the same week that a Belgian company bought out Budweiser. Could this sound trouncing coax the Shakedown off the moonshine and on to clean living?? Don’t count on it. But count five unanswered wins for #1 CBP.

Game Six

Stilettos (7) v Zomboree (20)

At the end of a long day, fans and officials had a difficulty counting the runs. We all were most likely distracted by trying to keep track of the breasts on the field. The game started with a full 48, but the boob-count by the bottom of the fourth sagged to a mere 47. Body parts oft go missing when the Zombies take the field, and every now and again a Stiletto gets augmented. We had all hoped that these two forces would cancel each other out. I think I speak on behalf of all present when I register my sadness for the net loss. This reporter is planning to close his eyes and think of nothing but knockers until Week 7. See you then!

Providence Kickball Kommission