team win not
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
[2005 Champs]
6 0
Mississippi Shakedown 5 (+1) 1
St. Sebastian’s Home for the Eldery & Convalescent 4 2 (-1)
Curse of the Zomboree 2 4
UntouchiballicA 2 4
Urban Plantain Workers Party 2 4
Stilettos 0 6
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
team win not
Holy Rollers
[2007 Champs]
6 0
Team U.G.G.H. 4 (+1) 2
Scurvy Dogs 5 1 (-1)
Ze French Revenge 2 4
Providence Burnsiders 2 4
BSRmadillos 1 5
Bat Seals 1 5
(Parens. indicate Wildcard status)
Make sure you have a good breakfast...

Fun? In Kickball? Get outta here...

with Slam Dixon & Diaphanous Baum, Reporters and Announcers in the Field

Game One

St. Sebastian – 10 v. Urban Plantains – 4

If Castro could rout the Batista with less than 200 men, then how much easier would it be for the Sons of the Revolution to make easy work of Capitalism’s pampered elderly? So went the thinking of the Urban Plantains in the lead-up to game one of PKL’s Week 7 scrimmages. But the rice-and-bean eaters did not count on one thing: that this country’s convalescence warehouses still provide three square meals a day.

Grandma Nana, rounding bases with speeds only a woman chased by dementia-induced spiders can attain, helped the convalescent kickballers keep their playoff hopes alive with an impressive 4-and-1 record, while the Red Rebels slogged to a protein-deficient 0-and-4. Let’s hope next week’s air-drop of goat meat and bandages will give them enough strength to withstand the force of the well-fed Stilletos.

Game Two

UntouchiballicA – 10 v. Zomboree – 7

The doors to the Eagle’s Nest were securely locked as the Centers for Disease Control descended on Stan Lutchka field in preparation of the face-off between Satan’s Minions and Satan’s House Band. The Zombies took an early lead with 6 unanswered runs in the first two innings. Feeling their fan-base waning, UntouchiballicA crashed the field with an encore of almost 11 straight runs, leaving the soulless Zombies rocked and reeling back to Beelzebub’s bosom.

Amazing late-game plays by Yngwie Ballstien, Freeballin’ Three-Ball Halflinger, and Rob Halford III negated early attempts to cinch the win by Zombie #2, Zombie #6, and She-Zombie #3. But there was no question about the mutual respect on the field: by games-end, the two bloodiest teams in the league were sending each other of gifts of groupies, bats, and Hep C vaccines.

Game Three

UGGH – 17 v BSRmadillos* – 7

Who says an adult male in Underoos can’t be sexy? Thus the gauntlet was hurled for the game three spectacle of the Unpigeonholeable Gods Goddesses and Heroes.

The BSRmadillos* roster looked as motley as the crew UGGH fielded this week, when once again the college radio roust-a-bouts had to petition the crowd for quorum. The whole game looked like an old-timers all-star game as echoes of our current league and shadows of players past minced and mashed out an exciting game. Team UGGH – erstwhile PKL powerhouse Guerilla Gardeners – emerged from mother earth’s arms as a cliché wrapped in a Dadaist irony wrapped in a post-modern enigma. Undoubtedly because of the ringers, BSR* played their strongest game to date, but still were no match for the primordial forces of UGGH.

* BSRmadillos is a fictional team. Any similarity between players on the field and an actual PKL Team is purely coincidental.

Game Four

Holy Rollers – 18 v. Providence Burnsiders – 5

We in the Eagle’s Nest see a lot of kickball. And our favorite games are those of great skill, or those of great fun. And this week the Providence Burnsiders earned their stripes for showing the Hyperdome what the meaning of “having fun” is all about. Their glistening epaulettes, like so many fringed fungi, shone as bright as the spirit and sportsmanship of this new team in the final game of the day. By the infectious excitement of the sideburned Unioneers, you’d think that they’d already won the war even before JP called, “Play Ball!” With a final score of 16 to 5, this Battle of the Crater was another Holy Rollers (Caro putridas es!*) turkey shoot. The Holy Rollers, (Cura nihil aliud nisi ut valeas**), ascended to an infallible 6-and-0 record, while the Burnsiders gained another well-earned mile in the battle for the hearts and minds of the PKL.

* “You’re dead meat!”
** “Pay attention to nothing except that you do well.”

Providence Kickball Kommission