GAME 0: (MAKE-UP MATCH) –Holy Rollers (11) v. Gutterballs (1)
Bowling is a sin, it would seem. The early game this week found the perennial preachers of the light, Holy Rollers, having an audience with the virginal team incarnation The Gutterballs. The former Junior Scholars were taken to Sunday school early and often, finding only one ball to fall true and allow a point. We have come to expect no less from the near infallible Rollers, and at this point we can offer blind faith with ease.
But let me declare where my faith lies: The early game this Saturday was played before the generous arrival of our beloved Narragansetts, putting the Gutterballs at a clear disadvantage. Win or lose, PKL old-timers like the G-Balls are much more fun when they’re hopped up on Rhody juice.
GAME 1 – Mississippi Shakedown (7) v CBP (8)
You can’t spell “corn-holed” without C B P. At least The Shakedown doesn’t. For those of you that missed this game, you missed a 10-penny nail-biter. It was a barrage of well footed kicks and damn fancy running. During the game it seemed the only letters Cunning, Baffling, Powerful knew were C, B & P; and the Mississippi Shakedown’s favorite letter, “W”, would not be uttered by them. With a narrow one-run lead, CPB takes the W, once again. The saving grace (or maybe the ace up the sleeve) was that CPB did not accept their share of the complimentary Narragansetts, leaving the Son of the South no choice but to do the other thing they do best. I guess of you flip the sobriety coin, the loaded side will most likely land down.
GAME 3: Rime of the Kickball Mariner –Scurvy Dog (10) v. Ghost of Kevin Levitt (5)
Two plus seven living men,
(And I heard much sigh and groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They struck out one by one.
The balls did from their bodies fly,–
They fled to bliss or woe !
And every ball, it passed me by,
Like the whizz of my cross-bow !
Gansett, Gansett, every where,
And all the balls did shrink ;
Gansett, Gansett, every where,
Nor any can to drink.
Kevin Levitt, so beautiful !
And he all dead did lie :
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on ; and so did I.
GAME 4 – Stilettos (7) v. Ladies & Gents (10)
When you give one of the ladies of Ladies & Gents a pearl necklace, it can cost thousands of dollars. When you give a Stiletto gal a pearl necklace, the price is negotiable, and at least you get something in return. Myself and many of the fans in attendance last Saturday were begging for a satisfying release during the most frustratingly exciting game of the day. The first three innings saw a vagalanche of runs as the Stilettos did not let up one bit. The whorricane would soon ebb from a category 5 to a gentle breeze near game’s end, as the Ladies & Gents sauntered back from the brink to take the late lead. It’s just a matter of time before the Stilettos ravage a win from some innocent PKL team. If only I had a pair of panties to dab the tears from my eyes.
BONUS GAME – Zomboree in 3-D v. The Daggers Re-United
Despite the Luchadors of Los Untouchiballes having to cruise back across the Tijuana border to renew their green cards, the Zombies showed up to play against their old foes, the Daggers! It was what I hope will be one of many PKL exhibition matches, pitting the erstwhile rivals skull-to-skull once more. It’s easy to argue that every PKL match is an exhibition game; but this match-up bore the scars and glory of seasons past. When the exhaust fumes and horrid screams settled, The Daggers claimed the day. Fans: keep your ear to the ground for the rumble of more to come.
