Providence Kickball League

The Providence Kickball League (PKL) is the greatest, semi-organized, spectacle of sport in Rhode Island. We get together and throwdown playground-rules kickball every week in the summer, at Dexter Field in the "handsome" section of Providence, RI, for shear glory... and fun.

The Stephen Olney Cup (Championship)

Few teams have seen the coveted Stephen Olney Cup, let alone sucked sweet nectar from its teat. To celebrated few, the presentation of the Cup must surely mark a highlight in their otherwise pathetic existences. To the victors!
2012 Providence's Finest
2011 The Stugots
2010 Dirty Sebastian
2009 Mississippi Shakedown
2008 Ugghly Rollers
2007 Holy Rollers
2006 Alan Shawn Feinstein Jr. Kickball Scholars
2005 Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
2004 Hellrazors
2003 Guerilla Gardeners
2002 Juggernauts

Teams that played the Championship Cup games:
2012: Providence's Finest (beating Stugots) vs. 99 Problems (beating Muscle Justice)
2011: The Stugots vs. 99 Problems
2010: Mississippi Shakedown (beating Yearbook Staff) vs. Dirty Sebastian (no, that’s not what you think... The Dirty Dozen and St. Sebastian became a super team to take on all comers, though to be fair, St. Sebastian won the Division and the Dozen were undefeated)
2009: Mississippi Shakedown vs. Holy Rollers
2008: Ugghly Rollers (Holy Rollers and UGGH formed a super team – which has never happened before) vs. CBP (beating Mississippi Shakedown in the Division game)
2007: Holy Rollers (beating Mississippi Shakedown) vs. CBP (beating Death Squad)
2006: Alan Shawn Feinstein Jr. Kickball Scholars (beating Penetrator) vs. Fabulous Untouchiballs (beating the Guerilla Gardeners)
2005: CBP vs. Trauma Center(?)

Vincent Cianci Cup (Losers)

Ah... the Loser’s Cup. To the deserving go the pissy warm taste of failure. We hope you were able to have fun all season while losing all the time, makes it hurt a little less. At least you could beat the worst team in the league, but hey, that’s not saying much.
2012 The Glamazons
2011 the Can't Touchiballs
2010 the Stilettos (for the first time ever... played many, many Loser’s Cup and finally got their name on the trophy)
2009 Ladies and Gents
2008 Chalkstone Bat Seals
2007 Green Barbarian
2006 Presto Bitch
2005 Bike Panthers
2004 The Productivists
2003 Kevin
2002 Big Hurt

Teams that played the Loser’s Cup games:
2012: The Glamazons vs. the Stilettos
2011: Can't Touchiballs vs. Waldos
2010: Ladies and Gents vs. the Stilettos
2009: Ladies and Gents vs. the Stilettos
2008: Chalkstone Bat Seals vs. the Stilettos
2007: Green Barbarians vs. the Stilttos
2006: Presto Bitch vs. the Stilettos
2005: Bike Panthers vs. BSRmadillos(?)

Hall of Fame (Not Necessarily Ability)

Each year, the standing Kommission votes in members whom they deem worthy of the Hall of Fame. Worthy of the prestige, of the valor, of the honor... in other words, worthy of a hearty slap on the back, maybe a pat on the bottom, and a “Job well done”. Not much else. Yeah, sorry, you all don’t get anything.

2008
Kelli Dodd: (UntouchiballicA/East Side Blue Bloods/Fabulous Untouchiballs) We knew Kelli would be destined for greatness while during her first year playing, she spit and swore at members of Daggers United. That’s the kind of gumption this League needs.

Ted Isley: (Mississippi Shakedown/Death Squad/Daggers United) For years we have watched this quiet player blossum like a flower out of the manure spread on the pitching mound at Stan Lutchka field. His on field persona for the Shakedown is nothing short of hilarious, and why not? After marrying Becky Moretinni, he has nothing to prove about his manhood.

Kevin Leavitt: (Bat Seals/Death Squad/Daggers United) A guy with drinks at local restaurants named after him needs no introduction. Always laid back, always having fun, we are more than happy to see Kevin on the field, esp. if it is in a dress.

Aaron McCormick: (UntouchiballicA/East Side Blue Bloods/Fabulous Untouchiballs) A formidable player and all around nice dude, Aaron also came to the fore and helped announce this year along with Diaphanous Baum. And whaddaya know, he’s pretty fucking good.

Carl Mitsch: (Holy Rollers/PKK/Penetrator/Word Nerds/Real Yankees) Carl’s kickball roots go all the back to 2003, but what he may be most famous for is his character of Judas on the Rollers. The best part about it is that he never breaks character. That kind of dedication to kickball theatre is what we need more of.

Emily Moretinni: (Zomboree) A young-un this year, with the minimum of the 3 years needed for a shout-out, she gets the gold for her dedication to kickball theatre, short skirts, fake blood and water guns. Keep it coming.
Tom Nimmo: (Zomboree) Another young-un, this guy looks like he is always having fun, even though he is usually covered in sticky home-made fake blood. And he’s got a killer foot, to boot.

Jeff “Dionysus” Pappagiorgio: (UGGH/Guerilla Gardeners) Anyone who has their weekly outfit earn them a nickname and also get them spoofed by the other team deserves a spot in the PKLHOF(nna). Thanks for playing some great kickball and for keeping things fun.

Eric Redher: (UGGH/too many teams to mention) With seven years under his belt, Eric has been a quiet but powerful player in the PKL. This year, though, as the “Working Class Hero” on team UGGH, he earned a place in our hearts. A hearty slap on the ass and a tip of my hat to you, sir.

Paul Yates: (Holy Rollers/Penetrator/Word Nerds) A long-time player, we decided to finally put Paul into the Hall of Fame for his dedication to the game. A dedication that led him to wear a full length monk’s robe in 90 degree heat every game, and the sportsmanship and skill to run the bases and dive head-first into home plate in the robe as well.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME...
The PKL in standing decided to retire two teams... By this we mean that teams, in their incarnation at the time, were great for kickball, in that they were either great players, great themes, great sports, or a mixture of the three. These teams were funny, didn’t take the competition too seriously, and had schtick to spare. The first two teams are:
Daggers United: (2005-2006)
Team Kevin: (2003-2006) A team of orange t-shirts with everybody named Kevin? Doesn’t sound that funny on paper, but it worked. And their sportmanship took a great leap, from Loser’s Cup winners their first year out, to Division Champs in the final year.

2007
Ryan “KEVIN” Fitzpatrick: (Cunning, Baffling, Powerful) Voted in despite the recent and ill-advised shaving of his beard. This defensive specialist will be best remembered for stealing the Daggers United Flag, running down Broadway and hiding in the refrigerator case of a local bodega.
Chelsea Flynn: (Daggers United) This Kickball Prodigy was fifteen years old and better than everyone else on Daggers United.

Neils “Dagger Lee” Hobbes: (Daggers United) With the PKL stagnating in a dark mire of stale, uninspired Kickball Theater, Dagger Lee helped reinvigorate the League with his vision, blood lust, fashion sense, love of rock-a-billy music and Unparalleled Kickball Brinkmanship.

jHo: (Cunning, Baffling, Powerful) A man who actually demonstrated athletic ability, grace, and sportsmanship on the
field – all rarities in the PKL.

J Hogue: (Zomboree) Not sure what he did. I think we inducted him so he’d feel like giving back and being on the Kommission
the folowing year. Just a hunch.

John “JJ” Jacobson: (Cunning, Baffling, Powerful) I wasn’t there but he almost died and went to the hospital or something. And for real – not like Mad Dog does every week.

Stuart Lincare: (Holy Rollers/Penetrator/Word Nerds) A long history and a meteoric rise from team player to team leader of a great kickball institution. Plus, he dresses up like the Pope.

Becky (Morettini) Ilsley: (Stilettos) One-up-mans-ship doesn’t just apply to guys. This lady would do anything bigger, badder, and grosser than you could, and still play some damn fine kickball. In heels (well, almost).

Jarrett McPhee: (Death Squad/Daggers United) Our own Fidel Castro look-a-like, this guy helped bring theatre back to kickball in a big way, esp. by convincing most of us that the Daggers were a bunch of thugs, when in fact they were just heavily tatooed comic book nerds.

Heather Monroe: (Stilettos) The only woman to play on (read: sexually satisfy) the first Daggers United Team – which, as we all know, really sucked. Also: She helped form the Stilettos, a team that will provide Providence’s Male Hipster Population with masturbation material for years to come.

Katie Moore: (Stilettos/PKK) Tall, shapely, stunning... with a mouth and mind as filty as the underside of an oil tanker. This player/mastermind and “dirty little secret” is a force to be reckoned with.

Ted Rao, aka “Romaine Jackson”: (Guerilla Gardeners) Announcer extraordinaire, need we say more? When we had big shoes to fill after the departure of Stann McNabb, Romaine was able to fill them with his rapier wit and self-deprecatory charm. Thank you Mr. Jackson.

Jamie Re: (Zomboree) The bloodiest man in kickball, and someone who looks good doing it. Easily scared many children who have regrettably come to the field to watch the grown-ups play.
Jonathan Wisehart aka “Bruce Fairchild”: (Cunning, Baffling, Powerful) Often mistaken for Motorhead’s Lemmy, Jonathan Wisehart is loud, foul-mouthed, vicious, intimidating – and let’s be honest, often times, borderline abusive.

2006*
Adam “Cold War” Boretz aka Riz Johnson – Announcer extraordinaire
(Jed, inducted in 2005)
Ben Sweeney – Kevin
Taryn von Doom – Maker of our lovely Scoreboard, among other things
Dave “The Fury” Lefieri – Kevin
Jesse von Doom – Umpire Extraordinaire
Cynthia Reed – PKK, Real Yankees, Big Hurt
Chris Ackley – Guerilla Gardeners
Tucker – The Real Commish
Rich “Green Lightning” Pederson – Guerilla Gardeners
Kate Schatz – Alan Shawn Feinstein, Trauma Center, Body Snatchers, Unaballers, Rockballs
Not Pictured:
Jason “Deathfoot” Pontius – Alan Shawn Feinstein, Trauma Center, Body Snatchers, Unaballers, Rockballs
Kenny “Mad Dog” – Decatur Decapitators, Decatur Defenders, Green Barbarians
Pedro – Decatur Decapitators, Decatur Defenders, Green Barbarians
Pete Burr – Decatur Decapitators, Decatur Defenders
Joann Sedon – Decatur Decapitators, Decatur Defenders
Shirtless Ray – Bike Panthers
Dr. Doug Ganey – Alan Shawn Feinstein, Trauma Center, Body Snatchers and Unaballers
Carrie Cannon – Captain of the Hellrazors, Kommissioner Emeritus
*If we left you off this list, please let us know. Our records were... um, damaged... in a fire... a terrible, terrible fire.

2005
Jed Arkley – Our fearless Kickball Leader, Founder, Godhead, and Kommisioner in exile.

The PKL has a great history of teams that keep coming back for more – but many teams have come and gone. Here are some interesting ones, before we forget even more about them:

2002 – Rock Balls: The uniform was a gray t-shirt with “Rock Balls” in blue lettering. Eh, not much of a theme, but it was the beginning of something good.

2002-2006 – Decatur Defenders/Decapitators: Simply the drinking-est team in league history. Yes, even more than the Shakedown.

2003 – Uniballers: Orange prison jumpsuits spoofing the unibomber.

2004 – Body Snatchers: The team would dress in the uniform of their opponents, making life difficult for the umps. At the end of their games, they would attack and “body snatch” a member of the opposing team, making them one of their own.
2005 – Trauma Center: Nurse/EMT scrubs for the uniform, with the exception of Kate who was the “Naughty Nurse” and during the first game, gave birth to a kickball. We believe that this incarnation lost the championship game to CBP in their undefeated season.

2005 – Word Nerds: Think Revenge of the Nerds meets Revenge of the Nerds II. Most notable for reading books in the outfield and ignoring the ball. Also, they somehow managed to get “protection” from the Daggers, much like Pedro and the chollos.

2005-2007 – the Daggers: Thugs with hearts of gold. Probably best known for a few skuffles and shivvings, as well as the famous “flag” incident involving Team Kevin. Another great moment occurred when they “stabbed” a heckling onlooker Jamie Re. The following game, Zomboree drove onto the field blaring Thriller to resurrect the poor man as a zombie.

2006 – Alan Shawn Feinstein Jr. Kickball Scholars: The uniforms were forgotten orphan clothes with an iron on version of the Feinstein billboards. This was an undefeated season with a win over The Untouchiballs in the championship. It was also the last year for the only remaining “Rock Ball” member, Jason Pontius.

2007 – Kings of Kickball: Uniforms were interpretations of kings (Burger King, Elvis, traditional kings, etc)

2011 - The Waldos: team dressed as characters from the Where's Waldo book series (waldo, wenda, caveman, scuba diver, etc.), but the real genius came when they constantly no-showed for games and caused us all to say "hey, where's Waldo?"

"THE GREATEST SHOW
ON DIRT!"

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