WEEK FIVE (cont'd) the Shakedown was still hungover from a night with their sister/cousin/wife, but the game was scoreless for the first three innings. Finally, the Shakedown began their comeback, but not without losing their coveted Confederate Flag (with a wolf!) to an irate fan. I only mention this game for the one true highlight... Kris from BSR - aka the Ringer - kicked the ball so hard that he popped it... and a little gold-grilled Shakedown caught it! The refs were stunned... what to do? Is it an automatic home run? Is it an out? Brows sweated... dirt kicked up and blew across the field... a whistle in the distance, similar to the theme from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" was heard... finally, breaking the silence, the Umperor JP declared Kris OUT! The precedent has been established... don't destroy the ball! But on to the matter at hand... the PKLPoTW. Game two pitted the Death Squad against the |
green Providence Steamroller. DS had been practicing, and most of the members of DS were not as hung over as the Steamroller probably was from an entire night and morning of debauchery over at the Steelyard under the guise of psychogeographic culture jamming - i.e. topless hula hooping girls, bikes, trikes, pagan fire rituals, cage-free organic marijuana, and discussions of austenitic stainless steel, nickel-based alloys and intergranular corrosion. The Death Squad aren't a bunch of church boys like CBP for sure, but they aren't heathens. Surely they can reign in the power of electrodes, diodes and mentos. But a force deeper must have been at work, because the Steamroller looked good out there. Sure, the Squad had their camo netting, water balloons, Fidel Castro, a man called Magma and Ted the General - even JR came out of married-retirement and Dagger Lee was back from a week-long Civil War reenactment - but the Steamroller had history on their side. The ghosts of professional teams past must have been standing behind them as they lived the glory of these antique teams. The glory of the original NFL Steamroller cheered them on... safety jackets reflected the hot summer sun... welding gloves pitched the ball like it was a hot globe of iron... and the Death Squad fell apart. The Steamroller was victorious, thanks to the efforts of many players, but this reporter would like to single out Young Will, who made several clutch catches in the outfield and the infield. Hats off Young Will... this Narragansett Lager is for you. WEEK SIX Week... what the hell week is it? It's tough for a reporter/talent scout to keep |
things straight now-a-days. The sun is so bright, and various teams have been offering me peyote, pot brownies, and other hallucinogens that have made my watery eyes dilate. We won't even go into what happened to my brain. Let's see... my notes, where the hell are my notes?! Ok, ok, here we go. Gawd, I can hardly read these... and they smell like... like... ok, let's not go there. Green Bar vs. the Kings of Kickball. Ah, well, nothing spectacular here. Some crowns, some green t shirts, I think the best team won. Whatever. Holy Rollers vs. Blue Bloods held a bit of my interest, I think. The construction tape and ground-breaking ceremony made me think those bastards had sold the field off to Struever Brothers for another mill conversion/redevelopment. Luckily, there is no mill on the field to be redeveloped, but that wouldn't stop them from erecting a huge neon sign on the backstop that read "Prolneyville Clearing", or some such nonsense. Those damn Blue Bloods won, too, which means the backhoes must not be far behind. Ok, wait, here, it says something about those angelic CBP boys taking on the dirty, filthy, blood-stained and by this point, probably maggot-infested Return of the Zomboree. Ahh, yes... the Zomboree. The team that grabs your attention with decapitations but then lets you down with poor hand-eye coordination. Energy seemed high, as Zomboree knew that they needed to show that they could maybe win, but unfortunately, they were playing CBP, the undefeated team in the Liberty FRUNT PG 1 PG 2 PG 3 PG 4 PG 5 |
