FROM THE EAGLE'S NEST (cont'd)
THE DEATH SQUAD
Don't be fooled by the Death Squad. They came closer to beating Cunning, Baffling, Powerful than any other team so far this year. Following that near-victory, I was fully convinced that this squadron could go all the way. But wait! They got pummeled by the Providence Steamroller in Week Five! What the fuck? Whatever...I'm chalking that one up to overconfidence. They've already faced the top teams in their division; the key for these hoodlums is to take every game from now like it's their ever-loving last. 2007 could indeed be the year of the Death Squad. If not, well, I'll probably still see them at the bar.
CUNNING, BAFFLING, POWERFUL
My pick for 2007 PKL champions. AND YET...I kinda would like to see these fine young men and women lose in an upset. Why? I like upsets. I'm upset most of the time, in fact. No doubt, these 2005 champs are a truly amazing kickball team. J Ho is possibly the handsomest man in our sport, and Jon Wisehart is clearly the angriest. Melanie just flat-out rules, and I used to live with Rob Verdi. So there. Cool peeps. Insane skills. Other squads come to a CBP match-up with steely-eyed determination and drive, and yet the notion that they'll be beaten in twelve decisive steps is never far from their minds. BUT!...While John Jacobson's eleventh-hour home-run in week three against the Death Squad, which effectively won the game, was one of the greatest spectacles in our sport's history, it nonetheless showed that CBP, short a move of desperate athleticism by a slightly out-of-shape man in his mid-thirties which lands him in the hospital, can be thwarted. It's
up to you, Liberty Division. It's up to you to make sure JJ gets no water.
THE GREEN BARBARIANS
The Green Barbarians. Cool folks. The longtime heavyweight champions of "yeah, we're decent." And that they are. If I'm not mistaken, they're currently at .500
Of course they are! They're the fucking Green Barbarians! They're scientifically programmed to win just enough to be taken seriously, lose just enough not to lose sleep over, and be the vault over which more aggressive teams hurdle to the top! I, for one, want this to change. They're super nice people, with possibly the best attitudes in the league. Also, they get bonus points for taking in Mad Dog and still remaining disease-free, to the best of my knowledge. Also: they're always inviting us to the Green Bar afterwards for pitchers of Natty Light. And why don't we go, I ask you? I'll tell you why. It's because we don't want to A.) buy heroin or B.) get shot. All right, that's it. Next week, I'm there!
Ummm...solid? It's really too early to tell, but I think so. They whooped the Death Squad's ass last week, that's for sure. But really, the Death Squad played like they had broken hands from a vicious brawl, or more likely, were suffering from the effects of carpal tunnel syndrome from too much instant messaging. Yet 1-2 does not a great team make. However, they're nice guys. I still can't figure out how the classic Rhode Island football team from the early 20th century plays into their shtick, but at this point in the season I'm basically sitting out there in the sun in a
wool suit losing my voice and sweating my balls off, so it's all Raoul Duke, LSD and desert highways to me at this point. 'Nother beer, please.
RETURN OF THE ZOMBOREE
0 and 2. Wowee Zowee. Not that they were hot shit before, but honestly, I thought that 2007 would see these young dead men and women really rise up from the grave in...victory, or something. At least once. As to the early suckassedness of the Zomboree, I can only explain it away to the fact that their joints are stiff from the effects of rigor mortis, or that they've been feasting on the brains of stupid people who know nothing of the intricacies of kickball. C'MON, GUYS!!! You guys are like, really cool in actual life...Romaine doesn't want to (I'm shouting now) see you go down like this!!! You guys make a new T-Shirt for every inning that you play! I have them all!!! WIN!!! WINNNN!!!!! BLARRRGHHHH....More Brains!
(Insert the classic "It's Party Time" by 45 Grave here)
Yours in kickball,
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