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commited to reporting on the hard truths that you people need to hear. When I say, for example, that Tad Moorecock is a goddamn bastard, that's because I trust his Mom as a journalistic source. The man has been known to coerce aupairs into having sex in very uncomfortable places, like the trunk space of his Bentley. Most of his furniture is made from the body parts of third world orphans. Of course he's a Republican.

The Blue Bloods are living the last hurrah of the neo-con fantasy: that sustained, increasing market growth and 7 billion people on the earth are not mutually exclusive. That the "free market" will continue to perform triage on all the problems that the free market creates, so long as certain protected industries are given sweet succor in the form of enormous government subsidies and tax breaks. That the American Way of life is 'non-negotiable' and the rest of the planet owes us as much cheap _whatever_ as it takes for us to self-medicate with "retail therapy." It would be easy to hate a team like this. Heck, it's hard not to hate a team like this. I hate them.

                    *           *          *
The Road Warriors are like a troubled teen. An at-risk youth who's depression and self-loathing are manifest in extreme withdrawl. Evidenced in the way they sullenly refuse to make ...any kind of effort at all. As I held my nose to squeeze down another dusky 16 of Narragansett Lager, I recalled the 2007 Induction Ceremony, where Trinity Brewpub graciously stepped to the curb to make room for this team.

But students of this game know that past
performance does not indicate future behavior. Last year's Productivists could be next year's CBP. Here's hoping the Road Warriors return, with even rustier landfill-scavenged costumes and an oil drum of kickass. What Would the Gyro Pilot Do?

[Editor's note: the Road Warriors were a no-show, Blue Bloods won the match by default]

The Death Squad v The Highlanders

any given Saturday

The Grassy Knoll is nothing if not a fickle fan base, constantly teetering between bloodlust and exhaustion. Game One was plenty gruesome, but ... sleepy, the Grassy Knoll is often still sleepy on a Saturdays, before 2pm. By the time Game Three rolled around, the Knollsitters were good and ready for the Shitshow to start. But the Shitshow would have to wait, because this was a pointless game and a guaranteed asspounding. There was no way the playoff-bound Death Squad was going to do the stupid dance with The Highlanders. Bluefaces would have no chance today, the Death Squad are just too good, they're too focused, and they're READY to face CBP again... That's what the pundits were saying, anyway.

True students. True students of the PKL know that there are no givens in this league! 1) Someone who should never be counted completely out is Shan Mauro, the bloodthirsty warrior-princess of the PKL. And then there is 2) the PKL spoiler motive, always potent. And finally 3) the Death Squad have a shadow self. Every team's shadow is different, but the Death Squad's has more thumbs than is normal
for human beings. And is prone to really bad cases of The Shidders. [see Week Five -- Ed.]

In the end the Highlanders almost pulled it off. The Death Squad almost squandered their post-season bearing. A good scare puts your head in the right place. The Squad is not looking ahead to CBP anymore. Somewhere, right now, in a camou netted tent, Squadies are pouring over maps and charts. Which shots hobble and which shots kill. Phrases like "favored to win" and "home field advantage" are not in their minds. Which is good, because Zombees don't know what those phrases mean.

The Death Squad: 3
The Highlanders: 2

Guerilla Gardners vs BSRmadillos

summer squash

In Week One I vowed to learn exactly what it is the BSRmadillos are playing at, and I am pleased to be able to provide you, finally, with the answer. It required extensive study of all aspects of BSR's game: the nuance of their moves, their total obliviousness to the game of kickball, their devout supplication to the BSR muse, that muse's total obliviousness to the game of kickball...

The BSRmadillos may seem like the worst kickball team in the world to you, and you might not be wrong. Yes, BSR is horrible at the kickball, but they aren't playing kickball.

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