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"Ngaa mmmerg. INGsssss. Sshklergg EEET lrmmmb. Kssss." Three more crowned dead things faltered into the light. Lords and Ladies shrieked. There was urine-stained chainmail, and much wackiness ensued. That was how the Zomboree violated the graves of the Great Kings of Old, and crashed the circle-jerk at the Round Table. It was a murder balad. It was a music box dirge. A nursery rhyme sung by ravens. Like everyone who almost loses to the Zomboree, the Kings of Kickball were left panting, thanking their stars, and promising to euthanize elderly loved ones at the first hints of thigh-sucking. Kings of Kickball: 4 Return of the Zomboree: 3 GAME THREE: The Highlanders vs The Green Barbarians shootout in the SO-SO Corral Game three was supposed to be a battle between two underperforming teams with solid skill-sets. The fans were hoping for a little death and mini-mayhem. Instead, what they got was a pitiful, embarrassing tragicomedy. It was Ride of the Valkyries played by a hundred kazoos. It was an absurd slide-whistle symphony of dropped balls, bungled play, and missed opportunities. The welter-weight divisions of the PKL can deliver some budget entertainment. You know, "pound-for-pound" and that sort of shit. |
The Green Barbarians were an 8-8 team that came this close to making the playoffs last year. They should have sent savagely incompetent Highlanders to a walk-in clinic. My lawyer is asleep at this moment (and in Fiji), but I'm pretty sure Presto, Biotch! won all of two games last year, one of them to The Stilettos, who are, it must be said in the interest of full disclosure, notoriously distracted by the possibility of lesbian sex. But past performance is but one small aspect of these games, and it is an aspect that only really exists in the minds of those who give a shit. This game limped on like Mad Dog -- who by the way kicked a bona fide home run. Ut! Bizarro am not hate Superman! Every game has its detritus. Some leave bullet casings, entrails, and blood-stained letters home. This one left peanut shells and attracted clowns. At times, it was hard to actually hear the game over the noise of the calliope. On more than one occasion Romaine was heard muttering off-mic, "Jesus Christmas, I hope the WSJ people are not here." Highlanders: "won" Green Barbarians: "lost" FRONT PAGE 1 |
