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FIELD NOTES, WEEK FIVE (cont'd) turning their cel phones off. It's an amateur mistake, that's all. This phenomenon has a name. Back when 'Gansett Lager was brewed from the crystal clear waters of the Scituate Reservior, when a kickball team crapped all over its britches and played way below its ability, it was called "The Shidders." Well the Death Squad had such a bad case of The Shidders this day, even the Kings of Kickball were laughing at them. The PKL is not a Meritocracy, it's a Gottafuckinwannitocracy. GAME THREE: Guerilla Gardners vs Holy Rollers exile from Eden Gardeners v Hair Rollers. Here were two teams that lost their respective division championships last year. The Guerilla Gardeners have a turnip stand/gift shop called "For the Love of the Game." In their training chapel, the Holy Rollers have a bronze statue named "God Damn You Jason Pontius, 2006." In the minds of the players, this was the secret 'Should Have Been' championship rematch. For everyone else it was a bankable place for some really nasty shit to go down. The Rollers came out stony and unforgiving. When they fired up their pre-game infield warmup, bookies started whisper-shouting into their cel phones. Even at second gear the "around-the-horn" drill was revealing a ton of weapons on this team. They have a brother from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day 2% Body Fat. They have a nun that looks like she would happily kick your ass. A fucking nun. |
The Gardeners, on the other hand, were relaxed and sanguine. (read: BROWNIES) Then they invoked some hard core "circle of life" mojo. Just as they offered up Founding Member Kiera to the PKL Hall of Fame, they preyed upon one of the Rollers whose faith was shaky. It's always a razor's edge with these Ted Haggert types. The Roller's Fr Alfredo Garcia was no exception -- easily kidnapped and even easier to convert with the Gardeners potent mixture of brownies, booze, and "common law marriages." Inning by inning it became clear, this wasn't a battle of core values, but of Universes. While on the bench the Gardeners read essays on Participatory Economics. The Holy Rollers recited lessons from "Obedience Through Shame." The Gardeners had group hugs for fun, group-reward-gropes, and spanking machines that were totally unrelated to performance. The Rollers flogged kickers who popped up. Love vs. Fear. Fear wins? I don't understand this game. FRONT PAGE 1 PAGE 2 |
